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The Geography Joke Page
The Geography Ratd
A collection of jokes and silly sayings from around the classroom and the Internet.

If you know anymore send them to us and, if they are bad enough, we'll add them to the page!

GeoRat © Camilla Robinson


"Old geographers never die, they just lose their bearings."
"Old geographers never die, they just become legends ."
"Old geologists never die, they just petrify."
"Old geologists never die, they just get stoned."
"Geologists aren't perfect, they have their faults."
"Geologists don't dislike classical music, they just prefer rock.



Q:What always sits in the corner but can move all round the world?
A stamp.

Q:How can you tell that compasses and scales are intelligent?
Because they're all graduated.

Q:Why didn't the map grids go to the punk disco?
Because they were all squares.

Q:What's big, white, furry and always points North?
A Polar Bearing.

Q:What do geographers grow in their gardens?
Compass roses.

Q:Where do all the pencils come from?

Q:What do an astrologist and a cartographer have in common?
They both specialise in projections.

Q:What city always cheats at exams?

Q:Why does the Bogie Man know all the map symbols?
Because he's a legend.

Q:Why is it easy to get into Florida?
Because there are so many keys.

Q:Why can fish measure distances so well?
Because they have their own scales.

Q:Which has the higher IQ, latitude or longitude?
Longitude; it's got 360 degrees!

Q:What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps.

Q:What sort of pudding roams wild in the Arctic circle?

Q:What rocks do young geologists play with?

Q:Where do fish keep their money?
In riverbanks.
Thanks to Greg Martry for sending this one.

Q:What did Delaware?
A New Jersey.
Thanks to Deb and Scott Besag. Hint to non North Americans - think USA for this one.

Q:Why did the sophomore refuse to date the geology assistant?
Because he was such a gneiss guy, and she found him boring.
Thanks to Virginia C.Johnson - Central Rappahannock Regional Library.

Q:Where is it always 90 degrees, but never hot?
The North and South Poles.
Thanks to Chris Freeman for this one.

"Show me an embezzling glaciologist and I'll show you a man with his hand in the till."
"Esker me no questions and I'll till you no lies
Thanks to Robert Lord at Bramalea SS,Peel Region,Ontario for these two one liners.

Q: So where did you go for your holiday last year?
A: Spain
Q: A cheap place like the Costa Brava?
A: No, very expensive, Costa Fortune!

Q:What is the highest road?
The Highway.
Thanks to Sandra and her fifth grade students.

Q:What is round at each end and high in the middle?
Thanks to Rachel Duecker.

Q:How do you get two whales in a car?
Down the M4 and across the Severn Bridge!"
Thanks to Rachael Robinson. (For those of you who don't know UK geography very well, Wales is a principality on the west side of the UK, accessed via a bridge over the River Severn)

Q:What place is mentioned in this joke?
The Red Sea.

Q:What other place is mentioned in this joke?
The Black Sea.

Q:What did the sea say to the shore?
A:Nothing, it just waved!

Thanks to Ally Shaw. (From Worcester, UK)

Q:Why were the rocks excited to go to the birthday bash?
A:They knew they'd have a SMASHING good time.
Thanks to Ariel Riske

Q:What do fish and maps have in common?
A:They both have scales!
Thanks to Lorraine Snyder

Q:What do you get if you cross a farm animal with a map maker?
A:A cow-tographer!

Q:What is the fastest country in the world?

Q:What do you call the little rivers that flow into the Nile?

Q:What country does a pirate love to sail his ship to?
Thanks to Pirates Game


This one is hard to claim as a geography joke, but it does include a desert, a mirage and an oasis, so it's allowed :-)
Thanks to Camilla Robinson. (From Cornwall, UK)

Three legionnaires were walking through the desert under a baking sun.
They were fully equipped with enough water for days, and food a plenty.

On the shimmering horizon mirages came and went. Visions of swimming
pools, stalls full of ice-cream, sorbets, freshly-whipped
smoothies of every conceivable flavor. But the legionnaires did not crack, they kept
marching solidly on.

Suddenly one of them froze, "Psssst" said he. His companions halted, and strained their
eyes to where the first legionnaire was pointing. "Le voila", said he, "Regardez, mes amis,
isn't that a bacon tree on the horizon?"

And sure enough; there it stood, proud and defiant in the middle of the desert, an oasis with a true
bacon tree. Slowly they crept forward towards the mysterious object so far off. Inch by
inch, centimeter by centimeter, until they were within a stones throw of the bacon tree.

Even nearer they crept, and suddenly, a shot rang out, dropping one of the legionnaires in
his tracks.

The other two returned fire, and gave first aid to their wounded

As they bandaged him, and poured water over his face, they could hear his faint voice,
"That was no bacon tree," he gasped, "That was a ham bush."


Knock, Knock Jokes

Knock, knock, who's there?
Alaska who?
Alaska later, right now I'm trying to work out where I left her.
Knock, knock, who's there?
Jamaica who?
Jamaica her do that, or was it her own decision?
Knock, knock, who's there?
Genoa who?
Genoa, cos I've never seen her before in my life
Knock, knock, who's there?
Nile who?
Nile down and I'll tell you
Knock, knock, who's there?
Canada who?
Can Ada come and play please mum?
Knock, knock, who's there?
Bucharest who?
Bucharest at my hotel, you'll not regret it
Knock, knock, who's there?
Yukon who?
Yukon never get bored of geography
Knock, knock, who's there?
Oman who?
Oman, these jokes are bad!
Knock, knock, who's there?
Norway who?
Norway am I telling you any more knock, knock jokes
Knock, knock, who's there?
Medina who?
Medina's on the table so I've got to go.
Knock, knock, who's there?
Macon who?
Have you got your Macon? It's raining out here.
Knock, knock, who's there?
Eureka who?
Eureka something, and it really pongs.
Knock, knock, who's there?
Kenya who?
Kenya think of anything that's more fun than geography?
Knock, knock, who's there?
Nicosia who?
Clothing for sale. Buy your socks and Nicosia
Knock, knock, who's there?
Ivan who?
Ivan awful headache after reading all these jokes on the geographical jokes page!
Thanks to John Rattray for that one
Knock, knock, who's there?
Marge and Tina
Marge and Tina who?
"Don't cry for me, Marge and Tina" (
The song from Evita )
Knock, knock, who's there?
Waterfall who?
Water fall I am not to like geography
Knock, knock, who's there?
Wiltshire who?
Wiltshire sit down and I'll tell you
Thanks to Fi and Holly from Dauntseys School, Wiltshire
Knock, knock, who's there?
Korea who?
Nothing beats a korea as a geographer
Knock, knock, who's there?
Francis who?
France is a country in Europe
Knock, knock, who's there?
Tank who?
Tank you for teaching me geography
Knock, knock, who's there?
Ammonia who?
Ammonia beginner but I love geography already.
Knock, knock, who's there?
Ansterdam who?
Amsterdam tired of all these geography jokes.
Knock, knock, who's there?
Wendy who?
Wendy river bends we call it a meander.


The names of which two countries are hidden in the sentence
"Extra tuition will help an amateur to improve his painting."?
Click here to read the answer
The names of which three countries are hidden in the sentence
"Hidden marks in diamonds anger many people"
Click here to read the answer
The names of which five countries are hidden in the sentence
"I want you to go to a familiar gent in a green landrover, and ask if he's called Ben, Innis or Jordan."
Click here to read the answer


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